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Old Paradigms Can Destroy

When I was a preteen, I listened to my father tell a friend, “You know, with my luck, if I were riding my horse down the trail and saw a large gold nugget lying on the trail, by the time I picked it up, put it in my saddlebag, and got it to the bank, it would have turned into a road apple.” (For city folks, a road apple is a cow pie.)

That was my father’s belief system that I grew up with, that nothing good could happen in my father’s life. Then he died as a result of an accident and cancer at the age of 60. I took care of him, paid his hospital bills, paid for his funeral, including his coffin, because he died penniless and left my mother with nothing. Then I took care of her until she died two years ago.

So I look at this and know it was difficult for my father because he watched me as I left home, went out on my own, started developing a business, and was becoming successful. It angered my father. He had a great deal of resentment about my success in life. Subconsciously, I would do things to destroy my success, because I didn’t want to lose my father’s approval. It took me a long time to realize what I was doing.

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